Teaching them to respect each other and the different relationships they had with the now absent Dad/Stepdad. But with a little boy waiting I did not want him to wait too long. Sometimes as parents we need to make a judgment call based on, the information we have on hand. I do not want to be all morbid but I think oftentimes what single moms can have a big tendency to do is to victimize themselves and their child and perhaps even subconsciously. Any kind of threats to him or yourself. Your now complicated situation was based on keeping your son safe and for good reason it sounds. Sorry this was so long. Prepare yourself now for that as well. The problems change and evolve into new ones. Long Distance Parenting: How to Stay Connected When Your Child Lives Far Away I heard of a game once where when our child is not cooperating we can not 'see' them, so we play a game 'where are you'? Put parents on the same playing field instead of blaming fathers like many agencies automatically … here. With all your heart try not to focus on not being the mommy, a child need not come from your womb to love them like your own. You are a Grade A Auntie. Or should i listent the advice of the psicologist. Which you can watch below. Good luck to you and your, family as you work through this transition. Thank you so much for your help. She has previously told people her daddy is dead. We lost our home I just don't think allowing them there is going to benefit them in any way, it's just going to cause more damage. I wish you peace, wisdom and courage. And then repeat, it is very easy for you to get irritated and re-triggered time and time again and they rinse and repeat their absentee fatherless behavior. I just do not know how to minimize the pain that his dad is inflicting. Grace is courage under pressure. Courage is grace under pressure. I can only imagine how distressing this situation must be, for you. Your story has much between the lines that makes me identify with you so much.  I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you right now, and I wish you and your family all the best moving forward. You have a complicated social structure within your home, I would make your older daughters feelings as important as your sons. It can be tough on kids when parents separate or divorce, from their partner/spouse, even when the person is not the child’s biological, parent. It, will be more effective to focus on what you do have control over, namely the, culture of accountability you develop in your own home, as James Lehman, discusses in the article http://www.empoweringparents.com/disneyland-daddy.php. Mara was a year old and I unfortunately went to jail for an altercation I had I served two years my ex already hated me and now this so I know she really resented me not just her her family hated me too. I would focus on my relationship with my child, acting respectfully at all times in his company. I know you don't want to confuse her. There is a service in the UK that may be able to, offer you some guidance around this issue as well as provide information on, resources in your community if you should decide to seek the help of a, counselor or other local support. Could you blame him I said "don't talk to me like that", all I said, at which point he hung up the video call or at least thought he had the video was off but I could still here mara crying and her grandad saying your daddy has just threatened grandad, I could hear him clearly on the phone talking at that moment to my ex saying yeah Lyndon just threatened me at this point I'm shouting down the phone, "what you mean, no I never, I never threatened you", to which I was told "oh go away" by Maras grandad, the call was ended. she is way too young and i am not ready for this. to be up to you if to decide if you give them to her or not—that’s a very personal choice. Since then, I have been in a legal battle with my nephew's father for custody, who is also a heroin addict. The 13 yr old boy just told his dad recently he does not really remember his mom in his younger memories very much at all. I had to leave for school early the next day and my son begged for me to stay. You have worked so hard to get this far. Not because he has to but because he chooses to. However, that may apply to you and that is your right. I am very sorry if I missed helping you, I did not want to rush my reply. When the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under one of the bushes. He has been very manipulative and controlling. It's been 6 weeks now and not one bit of contact I am at a loss as to the whole situation with what happened I feel I've been manipulated and not only by my ex and her family is involved also makes me wonder what has been said yeah I have been bad I know that I have only reacted to situations my ex partner has made no matter how much I pointed out the things she was doing she only did it even more. family all the best moving forward.  Take care. I did not talk trash about my son’s father. Lack of funds often is part of what keeps us in a bad relationship. I would let him know his biological father has 'problems'. I know he is just a kid going through a tough, time but I feel like it’s my fault that his parents won’t be together again. Upon bringing up concerns about her drinking to my daycare people, I was informed that they had suspected as much, and that my daughter is a completely different child during her time with my ex. The Absent Father and Depression. The BEST way on how to deal with an absent father is this. Do your best not to cry through this conversation with him, you don't want him to see your pain of all this, your tears will land on his heart and stay with him. I do not want to be all morbid but I think oftentimes what single moms can have a big tendency to do is to victimize themselves and their child and perhaps even subconsciously. The girls haven't seen her in going on a year and a half now. I want to start by saying 'we have all trusted the wrong person'. I picked her up from my mom's tonight and she bawled when we had to put her coat on. Are your parents an option to help you? parent. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. You need to step back more and more as time goes by because now you’re talking about an adult. Trying to do the right thing for my child and encouraging relationship with bio dad, but how do I deal with the lies he is telling her without coming off like I am bad mouthing the bio dad? daughter that her dad made poor choices that ended up with him being in jail. Love & Prayers, Julia. Be a great nation, make your child into a great nation, and allow God to help you do it and do not focus on being in the wilderness just focus on the well. I mean I can only imagine he thinks his dad doesn't care about him and the sad truth is that he might be right. “With three generations at home, it’s always busy,” says Julia. Nothing can overtake you so much that you will just sit and die and live in obscurity. I don't want my son to have memories of the inside of a prison @ this young of an age. Thank you concerned grandmother. As I told my son when he became disappointed a couple of years back for when his father once again decided NOT to show up and my son started to feel like it was his fault. We talked alot about how friends act and I used recess behaviors to discuss how she can handle herself in situations that don't feel right. An example of this might be, “I know you’re upset. We will not share your information with anyone. She needs help handling all her life's journey has asked of her. What to say? You are a great mother and she will be a happy grown woman one day. He has no bond with his sister; he won't acknowledge her, or his father's girlfriend, not that I blame him, but I know it bothers Cameron. Empowering Parents is here for us all. Who, no doubt, has made many sacrifices on his behalf. You could help him make one or make it yourself.... for him to look through when he is really missing them. The 5 Secrets of Effective Stepparenting, Helping a Child Cope with an Absent Parent, Divorce and Kids: Managing Your Child's Behavior When the Family Breaks Up, Parenting After Divorce: 9 Ways to Parent on Your Own Terms, What to Do When Your Ex Undermines Your Authority. I have custody of her and I don't think her mother will ever get it together to try and get her back. Involved with his parents who have a parent is behaving badly on news! Children to be there voluntarily as hard as it is obviously starting to rub me too and.. Absence has nothing to do that from a distance mentally stable individual for b-day... 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